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I am a mess, a weeping mess overwhelmed with the pain of this world. I scroll through the feeds & come across a beautiful video full of truth. The actor lays out his heart, his whole heart for the world to see. And I pray that he will know that Jesus is real. I read the news that a performer has died, his songs digging up memories from a time I like to keep buried. Tears form with fond memories too; his voice & my own little song that I wrote based off one of his.

A text comes through asking for prayer for a young one. One I only know through a story of all that has happened to her. Her story gets darker & my heart breaks wide open. I cannot contain the weeping. I'm out in my backyard office. What if the neighbors hear me? (It wouldn't be the first time.) What if the painter in my house sees? I weep & in my heart I beg Jesus to help me. My mind goes back to the paintings of Jesus I just saw in the video. His eyes heal. "Jesus, please come heal. Heal the actor's heart, the little one's body & soul, all the ones that broke my heart open in Chicago hiding behind their cardboard signs attempting to explain their lives. Heal my friends & their babies. Heal it all, all the pain that is overwhelming my heart. Please take it away. I don't want to cry anymore."

And all this, it's a drop in the bucket! My brain cannot even go to all the rest of the world. All I can cry is Jesus. My office doesn't have a tissue box, only the vintage table cloth, so I must venture into my house. Can I get by the painter without him seeing my snotty face?

And then Jesus comes softly. I notice the trashes need emptying, so I empty them. The pans from Monday's dinner still need to be cleaned. Baked-on butter & olive oil must be scoured from my glass baking pans. So I scour, and I hear Him whisper, "This you can fix. Keep scrubbing, they will come clean. You know I've already told you that in this world there will be trouble. Take heart, dear one, I HAVE OVERCOME the world. I know part of your heartache is that you know I could have stopped it all & that I can fix it all. You know I'm working through it all too. You do what's in front of you. Keep talking to me. Keep writing. Keep scrubbing. Keep knitting & crocheting. Keep trusting me. I love you & I love them. And never stop weeping for them."

So I write it all out & ponder if I am to share this. Fern, my tattered & torn squirrel sits at the feeder. I can feed her, so I do. And I exhale. I exhale knowing that God doesn't have to explain anything to me. Yet, He meets me every time, each day. He invites me into the pain so I pray. And maybe, somehow, it comforts somebody to know that I am weeping with them. And He gives me things I can do when I feel so very helpless. He meets me – comes to me – every single day. I am grateful.

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When I read this passage this morning, I realized this sums everything up.  He overwhelms me with Himself, oh how I love Him!  Thank You, Abba.

Psalm 34:4-7

I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.  Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.  This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.  The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.

May we have eyes to see how He has encamped around us and the understanding of His deliverance.  How differently would we live if we truly believe this truth?

Father God, may I continually see you encamped about me and always believe your truth.  Be glorified!  Be glorified!

 

Today is my birthday.  I love my birthday.  This is the day that Father God chose to put me here on earth.  Psalm 139 is one of my favorites.   He knit us together in our mother’s womb, He tells us that we are wonderfully made & that all my days were written in His book before one of them came to be.  Our birthdays are not just mathematically figured by the doc when our mother’s discover their pregnancies.  Our birthdays are ordained & written in His book before they came to be. At 12:02 a.m. on October 6, 2012, I looked at the clock & smiled thinking about how He chose to put me here when He did & that He planned it all.  Then He gave me my birthday gift.  He whispered quite gently to my soul that He not only planned me, but He anticipated my birth.  He knew when it would occur, & He was excited about when He would place me here.  I don’t have an exact verse that He gave, just a reminder of so many of His promises and words.  He loves me, and His plans for me are amazing.  I’m very excited & honored to be walking this journey tucked safely in His Hands.  Thank you, Abba.

Psalm 139:13-16

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

It’s not my job, but I take it on anyway.  Not always, but enough.  Some days I go to sleep with it, and it’s right back when I awake.  Today was like that.  I opened my eyes, and worry crept over me.  My heart called to Father God.  I checked my email, and my heart smiled.  I read today’s Insight For Living by Chuck Swindoll, and my Abba gave me truth.  Thanks Daddy.

Luke 12:22-26

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.  Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.  Consider the ravens:  They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them.  And how much more valuable you are than birds?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

v. 30…your Father knows what you need. (my paraphrase)

 

Psalm 16:8

I have set the LORD always before me.  Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Your will is before my will.  You physically go before me.  I will not be shaken!  Praise You, Holy Abba.

 

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.   Psalm 5:3

I love the picture this verse paints.  Go to Him, lay your requests before Him, then BE STILL & wait in expectation! He is faithful & wise & WILL answer according to His most perfect will. Enjoy Him! He is faithful. Praise His Holy Name!

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