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I don't like myself a lot of the time. There are times when I get a glimpse of the true reflections of the nastiness of my heart. I cringe, but I am grateful that The Holy One gives me a clear picture of what needs to change. And, I am grateful that the grace of Jesus is louder than my own heart.

There's been a scenario in my life going on for almost three weeks. This scenario brings an individual into my life that has revealed a spot in my heart that must be removed. So many things this person does & asks is frankly driving me bats! My tolerance levels are dropping along with my kindness & generosity. I'm flat out irritated!

While scrolling through my feed, I see my friend has reposted a give away bringing awareness to a need in the world. A big need. I immediately brighten. I like give aways, especially with all the enticing goodies this one had. I then read the why & the tears come. My heart breaks again for people across the globe, & I jump into action sharing the post as I had been asked. I was asked to give & permission came from Father. My heart was indeed happy for the opportunity & the privilege to give. And then I think about all the things the individual in my current scenario has literally asked me for, not even monetary things, mind you. My heart didn't light up with the opportunity to give to a person who was asking for help & consideration. I was increasingly irritated with each request. I didn't see these requests as opportunities, only annoyances. Forgive me Father. Who am I to choose the value of one request over another? Opportunities were presented to me, and I did give in both situations, but with very different attitudes.

I will be very honest & tell you that I do not have difficulty parting with money. This is a grace that Father poured over me years ago, for which I am deeply grateful. I just don't dwell on it, and I know that I can depend on God's abundance. Father has made it quite clear that with financial matters, I must wait for His invitation & guidance. So, we talk a lot about this topic as there is much financial need in this world. The kicker is that I realized that I do not approach other opportunities to give with the same fervor. I fail to see opportunities sometimes right in front of me with people that God has invited me to pour into. I find more often than not that I'm stingy with my heart. For this I am deeply sorry. I am sorry that I like to choose who I am generous with. That hurts to write.

Sweet LORD,
Please change my heart in this & open my eyes to every opportunity to give, especially the ones in my very own house, my very own circle of people whom You love dearly. Thank You for grace & for Your love. Thank You for forgiveness & restoration.

And wouldn't you know that the very next time I encountered this individual, another request came. I could feel my heart smile a bit at another opportunity to give with a bit of a better attitude.

Thank You, Jesus. ❤️

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It’s been many many years since I have made a New Year’s Resolution. I have done various reflection activities and chosen verses and words for given years, which I’m doing this year as well. I’ll write more on that someday. But I am excited to report that this year’s resolution is to walk every single day no matter what or weather or where. It doesn’t sound life altering or even exciting, but it is. It is exciting because I can. Since about 2013, I have struggled physically with a sort of nameless dysfunction. It falls under autoimmune disorders but I don’t have a specific name to give you. It also wasn’t just one thing, but I’m going to spare you lots of boring details. Let’s just say, there were many days in the last 4 years when I could not physically take a walk, I could not stand to do dishes, I could not lift my arms to knit. I could sit or lie down for most of the day. On days when I could move about, I may get only part way through a walk before my man would run home and get the car or my daughter would come get me. My son still asks before we head off to town on foot if I’m sure I won’t crash. If we are going up steps, I notice my teens check back over their shoulders or reach back to grab my hand or arm to make sure I’m gonna make it to the top. Tears come as I realize how early they’ve had to care for their not-so-old-Momma. And they’ve done it very well. 

I wasn’t looking for a resolution, it just kind of came quietly as I realized how much I was desiring to move and exercise. Over the last few months I’ve actually been able to work out and move so much more without having major ‘crashes’. I haven’t had to nap in months. Huge! (more tears) So at the very end of December I decided I would walk every day for at least 10 minutes no matter the weather. And the super fantastic thing is I’ve even gone all by my own self a couple times! And I did not worry that I would have to call for a rescue from my family. I feel like such a big girl now. And I’m generally out for longer than 10 minutes too. And I shoveled today, the hard stuff at the end of driveway after the plow comes by even! I’m getting carried away, & I promise not to give a play by play of every physical activity I do via social media. 😊 I am just so thrilled and grateful that God has given me back the ability to move more than I could. It’s not where I was once was, and I’m really ok with that. I am happy to do what I can right now. Last night was a short walk because I felt like I was coming down with what my son has been fighting for a few days. I wanted to walk more, but I listened to the Holy One as He whispered it was enough. I needed to rest. Today I got to tromp through snow, which is about one of my favorite things to do. This whole journey has been amazing because God took my focus off just getting better and put it right on HIM. Today was fun walking with Him through my neighborhood, but I’m reminded that it was also pretty amazing to know He was right there with me when I couldn’t move from the hammock swing and had to wait for Parker to carry me in the house. 

I walk everyday cuz I can, & I think He wants to celebrate that with me. But what I love the best is that whether I’m walking or napping, alive or dead, my Jesus is with me going through every part of all eternity with me ALWAYS. Nothing can separate me from HIM. Yeah, I’m way excited about that. 


With my shop-for-joy trip a dismal failure, I headed for the exit as tinny mall Muzak whined Santa-songs over loud-speakers. Racing out the door, I almost ran over a tiny high-school choir caroling in the frosty air. There was poignancy in their presence, simplicity in their song. I, and a young mother holding a beautiful baby boy, were the only shoppers who had stopped to hear the plaintive solo of a young African-American teen singing “Sweet Little Jesus Boy.” His velvety voice floated on the air like soft-falling snow. The baby cooed gently. I listened to the entire song and, with moist eyes, hugged the singer, grateful for his gift of joy, the first I’d experienced all day.

More beautiful words from Lynn Morrissey on Kris’ blog. 

http://kriscamealy.com/presence-over-presents-the-only-way-we-can-be-truly-satisfied-in-the-waiting/

Another beautiful guest post on Kris Camealy’s blog, enjoy Brandee Shafer’s story.

http://kriscamealy.com/hard-practice-of-waiting/


Fifty-seven days ago, I started posting pictures that brought me joy on Instagram after reading another’s post inviting people to look for & post the “joy”in their lives. It’s been fun, joyful even. 😊 There have been days in which I did not feel like posting anything. However, the whole point of the challenge is to look for the joys of life, especially on the days we’re not feeling it. Even if we’re not feeling it for really good reasons. Such was the case yesterday. 
Day 56/100 #100daysoffindingjoy this little guy crawled right into my “finding joy” picture and helped me to smile today. Planted these last night and knew I wanted to feature them today. Having a hard time feeling joy today given the events happening on this globe. The most publicized in my corner of the globe is the shooting in Orlando. And the more I see in the media, the sadder I become. Sad because it happened and people are hurting and just gone, sad because the editorials I see just reinforce the divisions among people, sad because death and destruction are just a part of our reality and many, many people are destroyed daily but never get any media coverage. My heart just hurts for the hurts of this world. I was reminded today that Jesus told us that in this world we will have troubles, but to take heart because He has overcome this world. So I rest in that and in Him. And I pour out my requests for those hurting and my frustration of all that will be said in social media because of this tragedy and I find joy in the life of beautiful plants and bright green insects and in the security of knowing that God is God and that I don’t have to understand or even have answers. #100dayproject #1000gifts #eucharisteo #succulents #gardens

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