I don't like myself a lot of the time. There are times when I get a glimpse of the true reflections of the nastiness of my heart. I cringe, but I am grateful that The Holy One gives me a clear picture of what needs to change. And, I am grateful that the grace of Jesus is louder than my own heart.

There's been a scenario in my life going on for almost three weeks. This scenario brings an individual into my life that has revealed a spot in my heart that must be removed. So many things this person does & asks is frankly driving me bats! My tolerance levels are dropping along with my kindness & generosity. I'm flat out irritated!

While scrolling through my feed, I see my friend has reposted a give away bringing awareness to a need in the world. A big need. I immediately brighten. I like give aways, especially with all the enticing goodies this one had. I then read the why & the tears come. My heart breaks again for people across the globe, & I jump into action sharing the post as I had been asked. I was asked to give & permission came from Father. My heart was indeed happy for the opportunity & the privilege to give. And then I think about all the things the individual in my current scenario has literally asked me for, not even monetary things, mind you. My heart didn't light up with the opportunity to give to a person who was asking for help & consideration. I was increasingly irritated with each request. I didn't see these requests as opportunities, only annoyances. Forgive me Father. Who am I to choose the value of one request over another? Opportunities were presented to me, and I did give in both situations, but with very different attitudes.

I will be very honest & tell you that I do not have difficulty parting with money. This is a grace that Father poured over me years ago, for which I am deeply grateful. I just don't dwell on it, and I know that I can depend on God's abundance. Father has made it quite clear that with financial matters, I must wait for His invitation & guidance. So, we talk a lot about this topic as there is much financial need in this world. The kicker is that I realized that I do not approach other opportunities to give with the same fervor. I fail to see opportunities sometimes right in front of me with people that God has invited me to pour into. I find more often than not that I'm stingy with my heart. For this I am deeply sorry. I am sorry that I like to choose who I am generous with. That hurts to write.

Sweet LORD,
Please change my heart in this & open my eyes to every opportunity to give, especially the ones in my very own house, my very own circle of people whom You love dearly. Thank You for grace & for Your love. Thank You for forgiveness & restoration.

And wouldn't you know that the very next time I encountered this individual, another request came. I could feel my heart smile a bit at another opportunity to give with a bit of a better attitude.

Thank You, Jesus. ❤️

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